Sensible Madness

God, deciding that it was time for the big climax, told Moses that he would be smiting the Egyptians with one last plague, which he affectionately referred to as "the mother of all plagues".

God told Moses that he had once again pissed Pharaoh off enough that he would never let the Israelites go, so it was time for Moses to go in and threaten some more plaguing so God could kick a little more ass. This time, God noted, he would plague the Egyptians so hard that their grandchildren would feel it.

It strikes me that newcomers to this site may not really understand what I'm trying to accomplish here, so this post is an attempt to explain.

And the Lord told Moses to go once again and tell Pharaoh to let his people go. Further, he instructed Moses to tell Pharaoh that if the Israelites were not freed, God was going to give all of Egypt’s cattle the plague, and they would all drop dead. However, the cattle belonging to the Israelites would be just fine. Thus faced with the prospect of the Israelites cornering the beef market, Pharaoh would immediately let Moses’ people go.

Up next in the Bible is Exodus 7, in which millions of innocent fish lose their lives in a river of blood. Following that, Exodus 8 features a triple threat: frogs, lice, and flies. Fun times in old Egypt.

Two new chapters up today, starting with Exodus 5, in which Moses delivers the famous "let my people go" line, and Pharaoh responds by piling on the beatings. Continuing on, we come to Exodus 6, in which Moses gets snippy with God, and we get a fascinating genealogy lesson.

Moses continued to complain to God that his little plan would never work: The Hebrews would never believe God had appeared before him, and the Egyptians would just think he was some kind of loon. God, noticing the walking stick in Moses’ hand, told him to throw the stick to the ground. Moses did this, and the stick turned into a snake as it landed. Moses, duly impressed, screamed like a woman and ran behind a tree.

Okay, so after a long delay, I've finally found some time to add a little more content to this site. We open the Book of Exodus with the Israelites in Egypt, having babies like it was going out of style. We move on to their enslavement, the birth of Moses, and the eventual burning bush episode in Chapter 3.

We'll have lots more wacky adventures in our next installment, but for now enjoy the first 3 chapters of Exodus!

So, here we are at last. After only 3-ish months, one book of the Bible is complete. At this rate, the entire thing should be finished around the same time as the heat death of the Universe. Mark your calendars.

http://sensiblemadness.com/node/3

Some time ago, I had this grandiose idea to translate the entire Bible into language the average imbecile could understand. Since doing anything so time consuming as learning Hebrew, Greek, Aramaic, and God only knows what other language to translate the original text was right out, I decided to just sort of "reinterpret" an existing English translation. Since, as a recovering Mormon, I have the unshakable belief that the King James Version is the only true Bible, I had my work cut out for me.