Judah, another of Jacob’s many sons, went searching for a wife, and found Shuah. It came to pass that they did bone, and she had three sons: Er, Onan, and Shelah. When Er was all grown up, Judah found him a wife by the name of Tamar. Unfortunately, Er was evil enough to really piss off God, and God killed him.
Taken aback by the bloodlust of God, Judah ordered his second son, Onan, to go sleep with Tamar, and their kids would be Er’s kids, because Tamar had been Er’s wife first. Because that totally makes sense.
Anyway, Onan wasn’t a fan of this arrangement, and instead of impregnating Tamar, he pulled out at the last second and spilled his seed on the ground. God was so incensed that someone would dare waste sperm that he killed Onan too. So, Judah told Tamar to go live with her father until his third son, Shelah, was grown up. However, figuring Tamar was some sort of black widow, Judah made the decision not to let Shelah sleep with her no matter how old he got.
Eventually Tamar noticed that Shelah had grown up, and Judah was not making any move to give him to her, so she decided to dress up like a prostitute, cover her face, and wait for Judah on the side of the road, as she had heard that he was going to be travelling that road to shear his sheep in the near future. When Judah saw her, he asked if she was in the market for a little bouncy bouncy. Tamar asked Judah what he had to pay her in exchange, and he said he was a little light on cash at the moment, but he would totally come back with a goat after they were done. Tamar agreed, but only if Judah would leave his signet, bracelets, and staff with her as a promise to return with the sheep. Judah agreed, and proceeded to nail Tamar, impregnating her in the process.
After the deed was done, Judah left, and Tamar ran off, changed clothes, and went back to her father’s house. Judah sent his friend to go find the hooker he had banged and give her the goat he had promised. However, his friend couldn’t find her, since she had run off. He asked around, but no one could remember there being any streetwalkers hanging around the place, and so he returned to Judah with the goat.
About three months later, someone told Judah that Tamar was the whore he had slept with, and furthermore she was pregnant. Judah, being morally opposed to abortion, decided to have Tamar burned instead. And so Tamar was brought to him. When she got there, she showed Judah his signet, bracelets, and staff, and told him that she was pregnant by the man who owned these things. Seeing that he was boned, Judah acknowledged that he was the father, and apologized for not giving her Shelah when he should have.
So it came to pass that Tamar had twins. During the birthing process, one of the twins stuck his hand out first, and the midwife tied a red string around his hand so that they would know he was the firstborn. After the string was tied, though, that twin brought his hand back in and the other was delivered first, followed by the one with the string on his hand. Because of this, the one without the string was called Pharez, and the other was called Zarah. Because that’s evidently what those names mean.
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