Sensible Madness

So it came to pass that God got bored one day, and decided to tell Abraham to sacrifice his only legitimate son Isaac. To add insult to injury, God ordered Abraham to travel for a long ass time and climb a giant mountain and sacrifice his son there. Abraham, not being the sharpest knife in the drawer, obeyed without question. His son, on the other hand, was a little quicker on the draw and asked his dad what was up. Like any good father, Abraham lied and told Isaac they were just going to sacrifice some sheep. When Isaac asked where the sheep were, Abraham claimed that God himself was going to provide them and stop asking questions. Assuming that God just happened to like Abraham’s grilling technique, Isaac accepted this explanation and went along with his father.

At the top of the mountain, Abraham pulled the old switcheroo and bound Isaac up, piled wood on him, and prepared to fricassee his own son.

Deciding that enough was enough, an angel of the Lord jumped out at the last minute, shouted “April Fools!” and told Abraham to take his son and take off down the mountain because God was totally satisfied that Abraham was a mindless sycophant now that would not hesitate to do anything he was asked.

So Abraham went back to Beersheba, and some unknown person showed up to tell him a bunch of boring information about his various relatives, none of which is of even the slightest importance.