So finally God had finished his work, and he decided to take a day off. In order to avoid being called a lazy bastard by all the other gods, he decided to declare the seventh day a day off for everyone. That way, people would be too busy jet skiing in Lake Heaven to harp on God's lack of work ethic.
After that, though, God had his work cut out for him. You see, it turns out that although God is great at the creating stuff thing, he sucks at planning ahead. Since he had failed to make it rain and had likewise failed to create some creature smart enough to work the fields for him, he had to do all that shit himself. So, because God didn't want to have to keep working the fields himself (I swear I am not making this up), he created Man. Then, he planted a garden specifically for the man to toil over. He also created a bunch of rivers, and put Man in the middle of everything to keep the place up, so as to protect the Divine Resale Value.
In order that Man should have lots of shade, God planted tons of trees. God told Man he could eat whatever he wanted, but please don't go near the tree of knowledge of good and evil, because that's where God kept his porn stash. Then, although God had already formed every beast and bird on Earth in the previous chapter, he decided to do so again for no readily apparent reason, and brought them all to Adam (oh, did we mention Man's name was Adam? No? Oh, well it is). The wording of this passage suggests he was really bringing forth all these animals so Adam could pick one to do the nasty with, but unfortunately Adam wasn't big on bestiality, so he found no "help meet for him". Seriously, that's what it says.
Frustrated with Adam's high standards, God chloroforms him and takes out one of his ribs and forms a woman with it, modeled in the image of God's Real Doll.
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