Genesis 14

It came to pass that a bunch of kings (or in today’s terms, warlords) did proceed to kicketh each others’ asses. In the melee, Lot was captured. Some busybody ran off and told Abram that his nephew was taken prisoner, and so Abram took a bunch of servants and went to go kick some ass. He and his servants kicked aforementioned ass, and got Lot back.

In order that the Mormons would have someone to name their high priests after, Melchizedek showed up to bless Abram. Like any good priest, he also extracted tithes from Abram and his clan. The King of Sodom offered help to Abram, but Abram refused, except to take provisions for his servants, because apparently Abram feels stealing is wrong unless you’re stealing from those filthy Egyptians.