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What is this shit?

It strikes me that newcomers to this site may not really understand what I'm trying to accomplish here, so this post is an attempt to explain.

Some time ago, I got this idea in my head to parody the entire Bible. Not just make fun of any individual part of it, or even summarize it in a humorous way, but instead to literally parody every single chapter. So, I started working on it, and have been slowly adding to it ever since. My methodology is basically to read an entire chapter of the King James Bible at a time, figure out what it's really saying, and then rephrase that in a way that's, hopefully, somewhat funny.

My goal here is to not only (hopefully) get a few chuckles, but also to increase understanding (both yours and mine) of what it is the Bible actually says. God does some pretty fucked up shit in the Bible, and he comes off as kind of an asshole for much of it, especially in the Old Testament. However, all of that stuff tends to get obscured by the flowery language. I've not only had some fun doing this project, but I've also learned some stuff I never knew before. For example, from reading the Bible it's apparent God's real motive in all the Egyptian plagues was not really to save the Israelites, but rather to show everyone what a badass he was so they would worship him. That's the sort of thing they don't teach you in Sunday School.

Anyway, I'm not attempting to offend anyone, but I'm not really making any effort to avoid offending anyone either. So, if you're offended, please try to lighten up a little and stop taking everything so seriously. Believe me, I've come up with some really crass jokes for this thing and decided against them, so it could be much worse.

Updates to this site happen as I have time for them, which isn't very often during the school year because I work full time and attend school full time. The whole project is really just a personal hobby of mine, but if others enjoy it, so much the better. If not, I'll still keep doing it because it amuses me.

So there's the story.

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Who knew the bible was so violent and scandalous

I stumbled across your comment on Lamebook about slavery and the civil war in response to some black girl asking why did the civil war have to occur (Haha it makes me laugh just recalling it), and then some guy said your site was badass or some phrase..

I did not imagine it to be this badass - rarely does one find a worthwhile blog site. I just spent the past two hours reading your entire book of Genesis and it's the farthest I've gotten in a "Bible" so far. Now I finally know what the pillar of salt allusions are about in books. And the whole Abraham begat Isaac begat Jacob (Israel) begat Joseph lineage is clear.

I just wanted to say that this site is pretty valuable in its summing up of biblical stories, relaying it in a way that keeps the reader fascinated. ..so much that I kept on reading for hours even tho I have a physics final exam tonight at my university. Wonderful storytelling and sharp humor, keep it coming!

  • By mliu1010 at 12/12/2009 - 15:12
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are you going to continue?

so, love the idea - love the style of writing - but this is going to be a mammoth task and there hasn't been an update for sometime.

I've taken the time to register on this site - now dance for me monkey-boy, dance!

  • By DukeGuy at 12/09/2009 - 13:24
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Yes

Thanks, and yes I will continue. I add chapters as the inspiration strikes and as I have time. I haven't had much time this semester due to my work and class load, but that should ease up soon.

I'm determined to finish this thing if it kills me, but I make no guarantees as to how long that might take.

  • By Sensible Madness at 12/09/2009 - 21:52
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nice one

I can't commmit a specific amount of time either - but I'm pretty sure that I could submit to you a section of, say, the new testament in the same writing style as yours for your perusal (call it an online-audition).

I'm firmly in the "many hands make light work" group, unless you want to do this alone (which is an accolade in itself)

  • By DukeGuy at 12/10/2009 - 05:47
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hey

thanks so much for doing this! i find this very interesting and look forward for you to continue to build upon this ticket of greatness! amazing gem of a website! i shall pass this on to my friends! have a great day!

-ted

  • By tedjenkins at 12/05/2009 - 07:45
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